41. Dear Damona
On this week’s episode, Chatrice and Luis welcome Damona Hoffman, certified dating coach and host of Dates and Mates podcast. Since last episode, Luis visit Chicago and wondering their role in a social circle, while Chatrice spent the holiday weekend on the lake and received a random text. Damona talks to Chatrice and Luis about a recent message exchange from Chatrice; data trends in dating, realtionships, and divorce rates; representation in dating and relationship help field; and, new dating terms we should be aware of.
Time Stamps:
0:20 - Hello and Welcome Back
0:59 - What hosts have been up to
1:59 - Role within a social circle or friend group (Question, what is your role within a friend group?) care taker | social glue | hype woman | logistics
10:13 - Me moment of the week for the hosts
12:22 - Shout Out for the Culture: National Bikini Day (July 5th); Victoria Secret’s plus size inclusivity campaign attempt; slight-ish: Nicole Ritchie
19:52 - Guest intro
21:05 - Welcome Damona Hoffman!
23:56 - Tale of a Tinderoni
25:51 - Drive through the texts to the real in-person interaction
25:59 - “Texing is a necessary part of courtship and that everybody has to do their part for it to work and for you to get to that next step”
27:06 - Putting framework around communication helps move things along
29:11 - “You gotta get off the texts and off the apps to become a real person”
29:58 - Advice for person sending texts that are killing the conversation
31:02 - Avoid the texting trap: acknowledge that you have not been asked anything, “Is there anything you are curious to know about me?” “I feel like i haven’t said anything about myself, don’t you want to know my deep dark secrets”
33:55 - Pie of how much time and energy you have, dating can take up a big or small part, acknowledge how much you time or energy you have
36:22 - Hot Vax Summer and Data: lot of data said people are looking for a serious relationship, but it is the summer when dating/relationship doesn’t really happen
38:24 - Divorse and separation rates in the next couple of months
38:55 - Damona predicted there would be higher divorce rates, in Wuhan it was 3x higher than the average; did not happen here in the US, Damona predicts it will happen later this year (summer/fall)
42:53 - Representation in dating and relationship help field
43:37 - Racial preferences in dating, people have been hiding behind racial bias and unwilling to exmaine them
44:00 - Dating industry has enabled people to keep this racial bias, not examine it, and labelling it as a “dating preference”
48:00 - “Race open” when it comes to dating
52:41 - Asking Damona Questions from the Courting Cuties
53:13 - One person wants to meet in person sooner while the other person wants to keep talking and getting to know you you
54:05 - Strict rule: one week from the point of texting to next step like phone call, video date; that person is a time waster, says Damona
55:15 - Gay hook up apps: can lock things down in 10 messages or less
57:31 - Don’t accept a date/next phase within the same day, or same day dating because it is most likely they are looking for a hook up
58:45 - How to communicate to time wasters about your timeline?
59:04 - You don’t know owe anyone anything, you owe them human decency and some level of communication. You gotta take ownership of getting what you want to
59:35 - Damona advises women she works with to lead the converesation, to send the first message
1:02:15 - Current dating terms we shoud know about
1:02:34 - Zombie-ing: when ghosting comes back from the grave
1:03:05 - Orbiting: when the person is hanging out, they haven’t made a move, start liking your posts, or keep commenting on your posts
1:04:47 - The impact of social media on dating or hte opportunity with social media and dating
1:08:51 - Cold Girl Fall: when people will really start to date